Working out your feelings

Emotions play a very vital role in our day to day life, but when emotions start to affect our behaviours to the point that they become destructive, it is time to start thinking about what you are feeling.

When you feel an emotion, recognise what that emotion is. Do you feel happy, do you feel sad, do you feel angry, are you stressed, anxious or frustrated? When you have identified what you are feeling, you can start to ask yourself questions:

  • Why am I feeling like this?
  • Should I be feeling like this?
  • Is this emotional response logical?

It may sound silly to do but it is something that can help you to manage and regulate your emotions. Let put forward an example:

Let’s say I am at home and I leave my shoes in the middle of the hallway. Twenty minutes later my friend comes in and has to walk around my shoes. I notice that I am starting to feel something. I’m feeling guilty. Why am I feeling guilty? I am feeling guilty because I left my shoes in the hallway. Should I be feeling like this? No, this is my home and I can put my shoes where I want to. Having to walk around my shoes has not affected my friend in any way and it hasn’t ruined their day. So is this emotional response logical? Well of course not, no-one should feel guilty for leaving their own shoes in their own hallway, so this means that I can dismiss this emotion and move on with my day.

This takes a little bit of practise but when you start to become more emotionally intelligent, your wellbeing will be greatly increased, allowing you to validate each emotion that you feel and if it is not logical to hold onto it, you can just let it go.